He dotes on us as much as we dote on him…. And I really don’t understand why. They don’t choose cold, aloof people. This Is What Happens When You Finally Discard A Manipulative Narcissist Leaving a narcissistic relationship is extremely hard. Oddly enough, I felt loved. I thought they follow the idealization, devaluation, and discard/disengage pattern with the IPPS. A close cousin of logic is practicality. Would they write back, showing me the respect of asking to know why? We didn’t imagine it. She mourned over it, examined it six ways from Sunday and wept over it for years. We played a role. Walk away, that’s your salvation, to be stronger, than they will ever be. So, they, they do this to everyone and this is not just a personal story, this is a fact. For the average toxic narcissist, the discard leads to the “out of sight, out of mind” phenomenon. For someone who’s deeply in love with the narcissist by this point, the discard can feel utterly devastating. Next time you are feeling lonely after being discarded by your narcissist ex, remember that: It’s normal to feel this way after the discard phase. Or you may be the child of a narcissist who has reached the Age of Majority and moved out to have your own, independent life despite their neediness, their helplessness, their love-bombing and myriad manipulation to get you to happily live in their basement forever. But, just for shits and giggles, let’s say the Great Discard starts when the narcissist does something wrong. Unless the narcissistic abuser had other sources of narcissistic supply (people who provided them a steady stream of attention, praise, admiration, resources, etc.) They divorce, oust, cast aside. I’m saying crazy today. There are different types, some are more openly narcissistic and abusive, others, are more charismatic. Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. However, I did find one that inspired me to write this post: what 6 things are narcissist most scared of It's a good question. You’re a narcissist.” The debate rages on if, how and when you should tell a narcissist that they’re a narcissist. Sweep away, swept away is when we clean the house. They said they’d die for us, but they won’t let us live in peace. The best way is for you to be happy, for you to choose not to lower your standards. I said so many mean things after the discard in between absolute begging. They gave generously to us of their own free will and now they say we’re “spoiled” and are reneging on their gifts, demanding (illegally) that we give it all back. Our narcissist gives all of that to us…for a while. I would die for you. What if they discard you? Believe They Should Associate with Special People, Get Your Questions Answered – Sign Up For Coaching, Learn The Skills To Stop Attracting Narcissists, Learn To Set Better Boundaries And Protect Yourself, Get A Free Audible Audio Book On Narcissism, Get Support Today – Join Our Facebook Group, How Childhood Trauma Can Set You Up to Be a Magnet for Narcissists. You've seen symptoms and felt mood shifts that are beyond control and noticeable to others. The war of cognitive dissonance is raging. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Healing from the Discard Being discarded by your partner is one of the most devastating experiences you will ever face. Looking at what real people living with bipolar disorder say can help you deal. However, this loneliness is heightened because of the extreme highs and lows your narcissist partner took you through. Now that we covered the basics of NPD let me share the answers I desperately needed after the narcissistic discard before I could even think about healing and moving on. For fourteen months, they didn’t give a shit. After every mean rant I’d apologize minutes later. They were unceremoniously devalued and discarded and left to make sense of the shrapnel amid the wasteland […] Need vicarious self-esteem, because we learned how to loathe ourselves at the knee of a narcissistic parent. He was a narc, and he was crazy but she wasn’t getting any child support. You bet… If they were narcissists, they would not write back. We gave her so much. Upright, forthright, downright wrong. After a narcissist breaks up with his girlfriend, why does … I was that one. https://narcissistabusesupport.com/narcissist-discard-phase-revenge-peace Like the popular quote says, “All cruelty springs from weakness.” ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca Narcissists believe that if they can destroy and dominate good people who possess qualities that they lack, then they can adopt those qualities through some disordered process of osmosis. Aye, closure. So when we know their lies, their biggest fear is that we know their lies. I Think This Is Bipolar Disorder: All the Facts, Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD, CRNP, ACRN, CPH, Coping with Bipolar Disorder: 5 Self-Help Strategies, Combating Drowsiness Caused by Antipsychotics. Antipsychotics have many side effects, one of the most common being drowsiness. When we stopped giving, she turned on us.”. But your intuition, your gut, they know the deal. And no matter what happens and who believes you, and what friends that you lose, because they think your crazy. I don’t know. You never saw anything like this man in your life. Then, as if out of the blue, you were thrust from the pedestal, devalued and degraded from the ‘love of my life’ serious partner material to someone in consideration with no … Devalue 3. Signs of an Abusive Narcissist. They said they adored us. Need compliments because life has torn us down. That’s why she’s doing this. Falling in love with a narcissist feels like you've finally entered the fairy tale relationship you've always wanted. I went on with the word discard, the grand finale is to write off, to dump, to ditch, dispense with, eliminate, reject, divorce. When we failed to meet that need, stopped playing that role we were discarded. Value, devalue, discard. Why Do Narcissists Act The Nicest To You After The Discard by Reason87 updated on December 17, 2020 October 26, 2020 Leave a Comment on Why Do Narcissists Act The Nicest To You After The Discard One of the reasons the narcissist, who has discarded you, is being nice is because they want to make you think that they are still good. That is crazy behavior and that is the kind of thing that a narcissist does, that crazy, destructive, behavior. You had basked in the glory of the narcissist’s undying love during the pedestal phase. Why keep someone around who doesn’t meet your needs anymore? Therapy and medication are common approaches, and self-care strategies could help. And then that would ruin their reputation. If you are dealing with this type of narcissists avoiding them at the same time being nice will make them discard you politely.On the other hand there is a type of narcissists who will not leave you alone no matter how you show them that you don’t want them. And so tonight I was looking and trying to really understand why everyone’s story of the discard is so strong and so full of horror and shock. I was so emotionally destroyed. To have all the answers for him. Sharing is caring 434 The internet is full of heart-wrenching stories of women and men who were love-bombed, courted, and made to feel special by their partner. The Great Discard might be triggered by the narcissist finding someone else to seduce to feed their ego. When a client asks me those questions I usually ask her other questions regarding the narcissist she was dealing with in order to give a more accurate answer. I know people that have children with a narc, and their children are in danger. We existed in their life to fill a need. Well, that’s discard, the grand finale. They don’t choose selfish people. If you cross them, they never want you to have a day of happiness without them. I always repeat the word each time I’m learning that I have I have one word that i keep on repeating. To be praised. “It was the next day when we’d always find the other Frank [Sinatra], the one who wouldn’t speak to the girl, who had been the most beautiful woman in the world the night before. No explanation was ever given. Every single story that I hear, there are people talking about narcissists that were kind to them until they left. I love you to the moon and back.” Give us jewelry, flowers, candlelit dinners. The Narcissist Discard Phase can be brutal.It can make you start to research, as you are doing now, how to make a narcissist come crawling back to you/ or vice versa. Narcissists and those with antisocial traits tend to subject romantic partners through three phases within a relationship. After the narcissist discards you, you may have mixed feelings. They said it. That’s the most painful part of being discarded. The codependent needs to feel the power inherent in the ability to fix the narcissist’s fractured, sad little world. A solid routine can be your grounding anchor when bipolar disorder threatens to wash over your progress. He craves validation of his victimhood. https://pairedlife.com/problems/Discarded-by-The-Narcissist Do narcissists come back after you go no contact? “Before bed, he would be so charming,” friends observed about Frank Sinatra. Meanwhile, we revel in the compliments they’re temporarily heaping upon us. They failed the test. You don't forget it but you're only likely to actively think of it if you need it again. Anxiety disorders are caused by a unique combination of genetics, your environment, important life events, and learned coping patterns. Everyone seems to be shocked and what I’m looking at here is a list. The narcissist said that he broke up with her but he still talks to her.